Global something...

Looking out my window, watching it snow. Again. Thunder snow. I've gotten to the point of checking weather reports before I run to the grocery store, just to make sure I won't get stuck for 16 hours in the middle of the road somewhere.

I've seen winters like this before -- 1967, 1979... One year in Chicago the temperature didn't get above zero for more than a month. So the snow didn't melt between storms. You'd carve out a pathway in front of your home (if you had sufficient cabin fever) and observe the various layers of snow like studying an archeological dig. "Oh, that fourth layer down must have must New Years. Look, there's confetti in it."

Some people claim that the large amount of snow this year is due to global warming. That is, the warmth melts the glaciers. The melted glaciers evaporate into the atmosphere, yada-yada-yada.

However, I'd like to point out that the term is "global warming." Warm + snow = rain.

Snow, (NOT rain) in Atlanta and all over the South this year. So I guess all this snow (NOT rain) is just recycled glaciers. They've just moved south. Funny how that all works out, isn't it?

And using EPA Best Practices, I think I figured out the problems confronted by the Donner Party.

The Donners, among others, got snowed in en route to California. They were flatlanders, from Sangamon County, Illinois, actually. So they arrived about a month late in the Sierras due to taking bad advice and getting lost and lots of other things. It was raining in a lovely valley in a place now called Donner Lake, and they rather welcomed the rain after spending about a month with nothing but the Humboldt River for a water supply.

Anyway, being flatlanders, apparently it didn't occur to the Donner Party that when it rains at lower altitudes, it snows in the mountains. So they continued on, determined to get over the Sierras and to California before winter set in. They got stuck, though, and some of them ended up cannibalizing their dead just in order to survive.

By estimate of residents, about 36 FEET of snow fell that year over what's now called Donner Pass. It was unusual, and I've read accounts that say it was a record, period, and has yet to be beat.

Of course, that's really irrelevant, because thanks to the EPA, we can all understand what really happened.

The Donners used oxen to pull their wagons. Those are steers, you know. Bovines. And we all know that bovines emit methane gas. No doubt introducing all those carbons into the atmosphere melted something, which did something else, which ended up in the bizarre phenomena of snow caused by warmth. Or whatever. You know. I'm sure the EPA could explain it

So it was the cattle farts that caused the whole problem.

If Carol Browner-and-browner and/or Pazzo Pelosi had been around, I'm sure they would have stopped the whole wagon train business. Just taxed the dickens out of them, $1,000.00 per foot of travel or something. And California wouldn't be part of the USA right now. And maybe we'd all be better off.

I'm really tired. And tired of snow.

Save the Republic.