Taxation without representation?

Neil Cavuto on Fox has been running a daily few minutes about the congresscritters+Rahm Emanual closeted deep inside the Capitol Building, merging four socialized medicine proposals and two socialized medicine concepts -- one from the Senate, the other from the Comrade -- into one bill. Cavuto is collecting suggestions from viewers about what exactly is going on in there.

My favorite suggestion was that we just nail the door shut. Sure. Throw a couple pizzas and a bag of burgers over the transom once or twice a day. They'll be fine. And so will we.

I do have a more serious and realistic picture of what those guys are doing. Typically if you want to pass a bill -- any bill -- in congress, you lard it up with as much pork as it can carry. Something big and expensive (and useless and wasteful) for every state in the union. That way, the congresscritters, be they Dems or Reps, lifers or single-termers, just won't be able to contain their greed and lust for glory. They'll vote for anything that promises them a building or a highway or a bridge with their name on it.

But, can you imagine? The bill already costs more than $1 trillion -- don't forget, they're merging a bunch of bills in there. Can you imagine what size it will be when they get done packing in funding for repaving the driveway of every voter in Ohio? (Ohio being a swing state.)

Why stop at $1 trillion? Let's make it $735 bazillion. Everybody gets two pairs of imported Italian leather boots for winter -- to protect their health, of course -- and sherpa-lined full-length coats. Chinchilla hats. Everyone will get an Olympic-size heated indoor swimming pool to ensure we get enough exercise in any weather.

Every citizen over 14 will qualify for an adjustable bed, the kind that you set a glass of wine on one end and jump up and down on the other end, and the wine won't spill. After all, we need our sleep -- and our wine.

Why not assign us all a week's stay in any hospital of our choosing, every year, and run every non-invasive medical test anyone has ever thought up? Or a week of mudpacks and massage in a spa, if you're already weight-appropriate.

Why not sneak in a moratorium on all mortgages -- no one can afford to pay them anymore anyway, yet our good health depends upon having adequate shelter.

As many groceries as you can eat. Free.

Any pharmaceuticals now will be completely free of charge, including marijuana and angel dust.

The only reservation... When you turn 40, they'll cart you off in the middle of the night and turn you into soylent green. But what the heck? It'll be fun while it lasts. And the congresscritters will be sure to vote for it... Party time!

Actually, this whole entitlement thing has gotten way out of hand already. Entitlements started out as a way to keep people from rioting, for pete's sake. They were a way for politicians to buy votes and secure their re-election.

The thing is, everybody who's ever had to pay their own rent now realizes that government giveaways actually cost a whole lot more than they're worth. Nobody wants them anymore.... except the ignorant and politicians (overlapping categories). They haven't got the word yet. They're so wrapped up in their little fantasyland in DC, so out of touch with reality.

And here's another thing from Cavuto, I think, though Glenn Beck also quoted it. And I believe it was originated by Mark Twain, one of my favorite writers: Don't pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.

Remember the Stamp Act, anyone? 1765 the Brits put a tax on paper, ink, all kinds of printing stuff, and for mailing, too, I think. It was to compel the colonials to help pay for the French and Indian War. But all the Stamp Act really accomplished was to alienate the printers and the press from any sense of loyalty to England. I mean, if they were on the fence before, when their oxes were gored, they began to experience genuine enlightenment.

The Stamp Act gave the colonials their slogan: No Taxation Without Representation! It doesn't exactly come trippingly off the tongue, but it seemed to catch on.

Of course, it was followed by a couple more absolutely ridiculous measures designed to impress upon Sam Adams and Ben Franklin, et. al., that they were supposed to genuflect before the king. By that time, they weren't buying any.

Interesting about Ben Franklin. I think it's from his autobiography. He went to England to try to negotiate some kind of settlement with the Crown, or at least smooth things over between Parliament and the wild colonials. All the officials, and maybe the king as well, sat at a long, long table somewhere in a long, long room with fireplaces at the ends. They made Franklin stand in the middle of the room while they chastized him for his temerity in challenging their royal selves.

'Ol Ben Franklin, as he stood there, just got to thinking about how much more useful and practical it would be to replace the fireplaces at the ends of the room with one big stove in the middle of the room. It became known as a Franklin Stove. So at least this negotiating with nobility wasn't a complete exercise in futility.

Does it occur to anyone else that it's just about time for another American Revolution? And for all the same reasons.